Trust Across America-Trust Around the World™

Welcome to TRUSTGiving 2014, our first annual weeklong trust awareness campaign.  Join the Alliance of Trustworthy Business Experts as our members help our readers navigate the complexities of trust. We will be blogging (several times a day) and posting on Twitter #TrustGiving2014.

Read what Randy Conley has to say about trust and betrayal.

How Can You Give Trust When You Have Been Betrayed?

Suffering a betrayal of trust can be one of the most difficult and challenging times in your life. Depending on the severity of the offense, some people choose not to pursue recovery of the relationship. For those that do, the process of restoration can take days, weeks, months, or even years. If you choose to invest the time and energy to rebuild a relationship with someone who has broken your trust, you have to begin with forgiveness. 

As you consider forgiving someone who has betrayed your trust, here are some things to keep in mind:

• Forgiveness is a choice – It’s not a feeling or an attitude. Forgiving someone is a mental decision, a choice that you have complete control over. You don’t have to wait until you “feel” like forgiving someone.
• Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting – You don’t have to forget the betrayal in order to forgive. You may never forget what happened, and those memories will creep in occasionally, but you can choose to forgive and move on.
• Forgiveness doesn’t eliminate consequences – Some people are reticent to give forgiveness because somehow they think it lets the other person off-the-hook from what they did wrong. Not true. Consequences should still be enforced even if you grant forgiveness.
• Forgiving doesn’t make you a weakling or a doormat – Forgiveness shows maturity and depth of character. If you allow repeated violations of your trust then you’re a doormat. But forgiving others while adhering to healthy boundaries is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• Don’t forgive just to avoid pain – It can be easy to quickly grant forgiveness in order to avoid conflict and pain in the relationship. This usually is an attempt at conflict avoidance rather than true forgiveness. Take the appropriate amount of time to think through the situation and what will be involved in repairing the relationship before you grant forgiveness.
• Don’t use forgiveness as a weapon – If you truly forgive someone, you won’t use their past behavior as a tool to harm them whenever you feel the need to get a little revenge.
• Forgiveness isn’t dependent on the other person showing remorse – Whether or not the person who violated your trust apologizes or shows remorse for their behavior, the decision to forgive rests solely with you. Withholding forgiveness doesn’t hurt the other person, it only hurts you, and it’s not going to change anything that happened in the past. Forgiveness is up to you.
• Forgiveness is freedom – Holding on to pain and bitterness drains your energy and negatively colors your outlook on life. Granting forgiveness allows you to let go of the negative emotions that hold you back and gives you the ability to move forward with freedom and optimism.

Forgiveness is the first step in rebuilding a relationship with someone who has betrayed your trust.  As we head into the holiday season, TRUSTGiving2014 is an ideal time to take action to repair those low-trust relationships you’ve been tolerating. The choice is yours. Will you choose to forgive?

Randy Conley is the Vice President of Client Services & Trust Practice Leader for The Ken Blanchard Companies. He works with clients around the globe helping them design & deliver training and consulting solutions that build trust in the workplace and oversees Blanchard’s client delivery operations. He has been named a Top 100 Thought Leader in Trustworthy Business Behavior by Trust Across America. Randy holds a Masters Degree in Executive Leadership from the University of San Diego. You can follow Randy on Twitter @RandyConley where he shares thoughts on leadership and trust.

Barbara Brooks Kimmel is the Executive Director of Trust Across America-Trust Around the World whose mission is to help organizations build trust. She is also the editor of the award winning TRUST INC. book series and the Executive Editor of TRUST! Magazine. In 2012 Barbara was named “One of 25 Women Changing the World” by Good Business International.

Copyright 2014, Next Decade, Inc.

I am grateful when companies “do the right thing.” How about you? Isn’t it time we began acknowledging them instead of always focusing on the negative?

Here are 2 quick stories that deserve recognition.

The Cookie Caper

Have you ever heard of DiCamillo Bakery in upstate NY? I hadn’t until a few weeks ago when I came across their name in a catalog and decided to send a Thanksgiving basket to a relative. Here’s a quick company history from their website.

“In 1920, with the help of their eleven children, Tomaso and Addolorata Di Camillo opened their first bakery in Niagara Falls, New York. From basement ovens in this store, the Di Camillo family began baking bread and delivering it to their neighbors in horse-drawn wagons. Today second, third, and fourth generation members of the Di Camillo family continue this uninterrupted tradition of making wholesome hearth-baked bread and classic Italian cookies and confections for our friends and neighbors. Although our menu of breads and biscotti has greatly expanded, and our neighbors can be found all over the world, our standards, our traditions, and the pride in the products that we make remain the same.”

A few days later I received a call from the gift recipient, thanking me for the wonderful cookies and macaroons. The problem was, I hadn’t sent cookies and macaroons. A quick call to Di Camillo and the problem was solved. They admitted their mistake and shipped the correct order, at no cost. My first hat goes off to Di Camillo who apparently “does things right.” By the way, their prices are reasonable and their baked goods are delicious.

Leaky Faucets

I recently called Kohler to inquire about replacing a broken head on my kitchen faucet. The call wait time was very short, an English-speaking customer service rep picked up the phone, some basic information was collected (name, address, etc.) and the matter was resolved in under 5 minutes. The outcome: The part is being replaced at no charge. There was little discussion of warranties. The closest was the question as to when the item was purchased. I told the CSR I had no idea, as I could not remember when we had our kitchen remodeled.

So hat’s off to Kohler for standing behind their product and “doing what is right” instead of only “what is legal.” And the way they do business is clearly not by accident. Founded in 1873, Kohler is a family-owned business, and a privately held company. You can read their mission statement here. Their employees seem happy and they have won many awards. Herbert Kohler, Jr. is the CEO and the founder’s grandson. And I’ll bet you didn’t know that the company owns several golf courses and an arts center in Wisconsin!

Do you think culture and values are high on the priority list of these two companies? Are you surprised they have been in business for so long? I’m not. It seems they try to “do right” by all their stakeholders. I doubt either company is perfect, but they certainly set high standards.

Thank you Di Camillo’s Bakery and Kohler. You are truly role models for trustworthy business.

Let’s celebrate the “good guys.” Send me your “do the right thing” stories and I’ll be happy to feature them in upcoming blog posts. Email barbara@trustacrossamerica.com

Barbara Brooks Kimmel is the Executive Director of Trust Across America-Trust Around the World whose mission is to help organizations build trust. She is also the editor of the award winning TRUST INC. book series and the Executive Editor of TRUST! Magazine. In 2012 Barbara was named “One of 25 Women Changing the World” by Good Business International.

Copyright 2014, Next Decade, Inc.

Welcome to TRUSTGiving 2014, our first annual weeklong trust awareness campaign.  Join the Alliance of Trustworthy Business Experts as our members help our readers navigate the complexities of trust. We will be blogging (several times a day) and posting on Twitter #TrustGiving2014.

In this post, Frank Sonnenberg discusses the disconnect between trust’s perceived value and the priority it is (or is not) given.

People like talking about trust. Parents expect it, recruiters require it, and leaders demand it. In fact, whenever trust is mentioned, everyone smiles and nods their head. That’s because trust is like motherhood and apple pie.

Yet, there seems to be a disconnect between the perceived value of trust and the priority that it receives. Some folks view trust as nothing more than a motivational speech, a clever slogan, or a fancy book collecting dust on a shelf.

Why doesn’t trust receive the priority that it rightly deserves? In some cases, people are short-term thinkers. They’ll do anything to get what they want and aren’t willing to make the long-term commitment.  Others conclude that it’s hard to measure the impact that our words and actions have on trust –– so why pay the price? Let’s look at what happens in the absence of trust.

Distrust Commands a Heavy Price

In the relationships between people and groups, a lack of trust:

Creates a distraction. Distrust causes people to lose sight of what’s important and become sidetracked by trivial matters.

Damages relationships. Distrust promotes disharmony and uncertainty. It causes people to scrutinize what others say and second-guess their intent.

Destroys communication. Distrust fosters dishonesty and lack of transparency. People spend more effort reading between the lines than listening to what’s being said.

Damages teamwork. Distrust creates dissension. It pits people against one another. You can expect finger pointing, the blame game, and witch hunts to thrive where there is distrust.

Reduces competitiveness. When there’s distrust, people spend more time answering to the “paperwork police” than doing their job. This increases costs, but rarely adds value to the product or the customer experience. 

Encourages game playing. Distrust encourages people to spend more time trying to beat the system rather than trying to do something meaningful.

Destroys individual initiative. Distrust encourages people to look busy rather than to actually be productive.

Creates a toxic environment. Distrust creates an atmosphere that can be cut with a knife. In these environments, people opt for the political solution rather than for doing what’s right.

Hurts loyalty and morale. Distrust is anxiety provoking and debilitating. Good people would rather leave an organization for greener pastures than spend their days covering their behind.

It’s time to put your money where your mouth is. 

The Magic of Trust

What if I told you that mistrust could kill our individual aspirations, cripple our personal and business relationships, strip the muscle from our most powerful leaders, and crush the productivity and morale of our best and brightest people? Would I have your attention? Then why don’t we give trust the attention it deserves?

You may not think that paying lip service to trust bears a cost, but it commands a very handsome price. If you care about your credibility and reputation, desire the respect of friends and family, or want to be taken seriously in life … trust matters. Trust is more than a platitude; it defines you as a person. There is a tendency to believe that if something cannot be seen or heard, it does not exist. It brings to mind the question: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Trust, as with other soft issues, is like the tree that falls in a forest. If we don’t believe that trust makes a sound, maybe it’s time to get our hearing checked.

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author. He has written five books and over 300 articles. Frank was recently named one of  100 “Global Thought Leaders” and nominated as one of “America’s Most Influential Small Business Experts.” Frank has served on several boards and has consulted to some of the largest and most respected companies in the world. Additionally, FrankSonnenbergOnline was named among the “Best 21st Century Leadership Blogs.” Frank’s new book, Follow Your Conscience is available November 2014.

© 2014 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

Barbara Brooks Kimmel is the Executive Director of Trust Across America-Trust Around the World whose mission is to help organizations build trust. She is also the editor of the award winning TRUST INC. book series and the Executive Editor of TRUST! Magazine. In 2012 Barbara was named “One of 25 Women Changing the World” by Good Business International.

Copyright 2014, Next Decade, Inc.